the elephant in the room

I changed by not changing at all- Eddie Vedder

About fifteen years ago I found myself in a hamburger joint ordering a Hawaiian burger and a strawberry shake. This may sound like a typical day in a 19 year old's life, but it wasn't for me. For the year and a half prior I had been living as a vegan. I had just moved in with a new roommate and I found myself feeling really tired and unsatisfied. I didn't have much money. I worked at a bakery and pretty much lived on day old bread I could get for free. I absorbed a lot of jokes about my diet and ran out of come-backs and fast facts as to why I had cut out all meat, fish, dairy and eggs. I woke up one morning and decided I was done.

Many people will say that if you eat meat after being vegan, it will make you sick. I found that not to be the case. It made me feel good. Some people say that meat just is too gross after being vegan. I've never been grossed out by meat. I spent a good part of my life eating it no problem, and that fact was never lost on me.

After that meal, I started eating meat and dairy again. It didn't seem like a big deal.

Until...3 years ago when I found myself thumbing through some of my old cookbooks and listening to vegan podcasts. I bought a couple of new cookbooks, began preparing vegan goods and right around Thanksgiving 2007, my husband and I decided to eat vegan all of the time.

It was great. We both lost about 15 pounds and loved hanging out and cooking in the kitchen. We stopped going out to eat almost altogether. We broke the news to our families as it came up. For the most part, they liked the idea and many were hip to the ethical argument and the health benefits. It didn't hurt that I cooked for them whenever I could.

But something started happening to me about a month ago. I just felt kind of wasted. At first I just thought it was because my baby is still breastfeeding sooo much. Probably 10 times a day. Then I started having massive cravings. For salmon and eggs, specifically. I asked my husband if we should start eating fish.
"You've been asking me that a lot lately." He said.
"I have?" I asked.
Maybe it didn't help that at the same time I discovered and became obsessed with this blog. I couldn't take it. I called my husband at work and said that I really wanted some eggs. He offered to buy some for me. This surprised me, I thought he'd talk me out of it, but at the same time, my husband isn't really the type to pass judgement...which is only one of the reasons why he rocks. He delivered the eggs, I asked him if he wanted some (he didn't), and I fried two eggs and made a piece of toast. I ate them while sitting on the couch.

They were good. They weren't, like, the best thing I've ever tasted, but c'mon, they're eggs and I really know how to cook vegan food. Before I ate them I wondered if I was jumping off a cliff. Would I be frying burgers on my griddle next? Truth be told, I really don't think so. What I do think is that I am going from a TOTALLY plant based diet to one that is about 95% plant based. That isn't exact math. I just mean that I am going to eat small amounts of dead animals and their products when necessary.

The fact that being a veg*n might have some social restrictions on Joaquin plays out in my mind a lot, too. Most of me is totally okay with it. I had to endure sack lunches with homemade whole wheat bread and fuzzy peaches and I survived. I'm not so naive to think he won't stray on his own at some point. He may spend all of his elementary school days dreaming of bologna and Doritos like I did. I'm hoping that not putting such a strong label on our eating style will have a better outcome than being "that mean mom that doesn't let her kid have ice cream at the birthday party" might.

But who knows. I may change my mind.

everyone has fun at music class

Joaquin and I attend a music class once a week. I found it when googling "mom and baby classes Indianapolis." We had just finished swimming lessons (I'm planning on doing that again, soon), and needed a new activity to keep us involved in the world outside of our backyard.
After the first class I wondered if I hadn't made this purchase in haste. We attend baby story hour at the library once a week as well, and there is singing and stories and socializing, for free! I've decided over time that it is worth it. The music class has more structure to it. We received a companion CD and are expected to learn the songs for maximum participation. You get to know all the names of the kids in class, right from the beginning. Our instructor, Ms. Sheryl, gives all of the kids one on one attention by singing a pattern to them as they sit on her lap...and Joaquin gobbles it up! We sing, we dance, we play instruments.
Last week a little girl who looks to be about 3 came in wearing a bright pink tulle skirt. She sat in a circle with the rest of us for about 5 minutes and then went running around the room, round and round and round. Joaquin watched her with great interest. He began to spin around on his butt so he could watch her every move. As she ran by him he sat up as tall as possible and held out his little hand to her as if to say, "take me with you, fairy princess." Stuff like this is what it's all about. Seriously. So cute.
I may have even made a new friend at The Music Playhouse. The more I stay home with my baby, the more I realize I need some girlfriends. Recently, one of my mom's friends found me on facebook and told me, "the first time I met your mom she was wearing pink rollers in her hair and was pulling you and your brother in a wagon. She looked at me and said ' I prayed that God would send me a best friend, and you are it!'" I think about that all the time. I know exactly how Mom felt.
I'm a pretty shy person when it comes to making new friends, so I am very thankful that this music class mom approached me. When asked where she got her baby's pants, she replied, "I made them." Ding! Ding! Ding! I want to make baby pants! We exchanged phone numbers and will attempt a baby in the park day very soon.
Joaquin loves music class and I do to. The class is at the groovy Riviera Club that sits on the white river. So pretty.